Mental Health Range Day
Posted
Over the winter, during my recent depressive episode, I had the chance to take an early-morning trip to the outdoor range. It was a cold winter morning, with temperatures well below freezing. I was bundled up in several layers, warm and protected from the elements. The wind was silent, the winter ambience was muffled from the freshly fallen snow and the range was empty. I ambled through the snow to the 25 meter berm and affixed my targets, then proceeded to do the same at 50 and 100 meters. On my 100 meter walk back to the benches I enjoyed the beautiful and serene scenery - the trees baring snow on their branches rather than their verdant leaves, the white blanket covering the fields, and the bright blue sky. Back at my bench, I meticulously rolled and inserted my earplugs, allowing them to slowly expand and fill my ears, blocking out what little sounds I was previously hearing. I was left in a warm blanket of silence. I stepped to the firing line, pulled my handgun from my holster with a firm and secure grip, lifted it up, aligning the front and rear sights, my eyes, and my target. I lowered my finger off the slide and onto the trigger, slowly squeezing it. In that moment there was nothing else in the world, nothing in my life to worry about - just my body, my handgun, and my target. As I squeezed the trigger further I felt a jolt of energy in my hands travel through my body, I heard a soft pop, and shortly after the smell of burned gunpowder drifted into my nose and lingered. I was experiencing a moment of firm grounding, of profound mindfulness.
When I'm at the range, when I have my earplugs in, when I feel the energy of my gun, and when I smell the burned gunpowder, I'm the most grounded and mindful that I ever am. I can't possibly overstate just how important this is for my mental health. Almost everybody talks about how helpful mindfulness is for mental health, but for me, I find it to be very fleeting in my everyday life. I struggle with dissociation and hyper-fixation; I have a hard time staying present. When I have the chance to shoot my firearms, however, that all changes. Everything about it is grounding, not just the sensory aspects. The strict safety procedures for handing such deadly weapons demand strict mindfulness. You must be aware of exactly what you are doing at all times, else you, or someone else may be hurt or killed, by your own negligence. That's the most sobering, grounding responsibility I could ever imagine.
Aside from grounding I find that it has another major mental health impact for me. I struggle rather severely with anxiety and thoughts of being hopelessly inadequate. Having a successful, enjoyable, and, most importantly, safe range trip is a direct counter to these thoughts that quells my anxiety. Safely wielding a deadly weapon with competence is a major boon to my confidence. If I'm able to do that, surely something as simple as going to the grocery store or talking to a friend is doable for me. I always leave a range trip feeling proud of myself, and like my life is headed in a way I want. That's a feeling I don't get all too often, and it's such a powerful feeling. Like I said before, I can't possible overstate how important a range trip is for my mental health. I can't wait for the next one.